Why Be A Welcoming Congregation?

Sermon by Stephen D. Edington, February 15, 1998

During my years with you there have been any number of occasions, great and small, that have made me proud to be the minister of this congregation. One that came to mind as I prepared this sermon was in the fall of 1994. This was the time when persons supportive of the Christian Coalition's political agenda--whether they were actual members of the organization or not--gained a controlling majority on the Merrimack School Board. As the school year was about to begin they enacted a policy which forbade, in either a classroom or in a personal conversation, a faculty or staff member from discussing homosexuality in a "favorable light" (whatever that may have meant) with a student.

An English teacher, for example, was prevented from even mentioning the sexual orientation of a writer, even if such knowledge helped gain a clearer understanding of his or her work. More important, and more troubling, if a student wished to discuss his or her sexual orientation with a school counselor, or any faculty or staff member he/she felt comfortable confiding in, a conversation about that student being possibly gay or lesbian was prohibited. The policy has since been rescinded as the makeup of the Board thankfully changed.

When our Executive Board met in August of that year the feeling was that such a policy should not be allowed to go unchallenged. Our then Vice-President, and now President, Carol Houde, drafted an excellent letter protesting the policy in a very clear and cogent fashion. It was endorsed by the Board members. The letter was then presented to the congregation during a Sunday service and placed on our Information Table for 2 or 3 Sundays for any other church members, in addition to those on the Executive Board, who wished to sign it.

The letter subsequently ran in The Telegraph with my and our then President Bob Sampson's names affixed, and with the notation that it had also been signed by over 100 of our members. To the best of my knowledge and recollection ours were the only public voices to come from an area religious community to challenge this policy and to speak to its possibly harmful, if not destructive effects, upon some of the youth of Merrimack.

In the days and weeks that followed I received many expressions of thanks and appreciation, most of them in private conversation. The general message I received from the gay and lesbian persons who contacted me was that they were grateful to know that there were religiously motivated people around who cared about them and who would take a public stand to that effect, particularly in view of the fact that the policy had a religious motivation of its own. As I said, it made me very proud to be the minister of this church.

I'm also gratified for the ways in which we have opened our doors to the area's gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities by providing meeting space for such groups as Nashua Pride, Women Meeting Women, and Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG). Additionally I feel honored when a gay or lesbian couple seek me out and request that I officiate at a same-sex Service of Holy Union for them, as happens about 2-3 times a year. While such Unions are not yet recognized by the State, the couple can still receive a spiritual blessing for their relationship by means of such a service. I'm additionally glad I can do this with the support and endorsement of my, or our, larger religious body, the Unitarian Universalist Association.

I can further see, in recounting all this, how a certain question might easily arise: With such a track record as the one just described why do we need to even have a Welcoming Congregation program here with respect to gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual persons? Aren't we "carrying coals to Newcastle"? How much more welcoming can we get? These are the questions I want to take up this morning. And I invite you to join me for a follow-up talk-back during coffee hour in our Fellowship Room.

Let's begin, though, by stepping back for just a moment from issues about sexual orientation and consider more generally what it means, particularly in a UU setting, to be an intentionally welcoming liberal religious community. Those of you who have attended conferences or workshops on church growth will recognize what I'm going to say as pretty basic, as will many others of you I'm sure. There are two steps that need to take place in our UU congregations in order for us to be truly welcoming. They go by various names; I'll call them the "Opening the Door" step, and the "Affirmation" step. We are quite good, by and large, with the "Opening the Door" step. This is where a congregation says, as we do in our Mission/Vision/Covenant Statement, that we welcome diversity--of theology, culture, race, class, life-style, and the like. Our doors are open to all.

Now, if you don't take that first step, then you never even get to the next one, which is "Affirmation." But if you don't then go on to take the Affirmation step then you end up undermining your Open Door. Affirmation means that you intentionally seek and provide ways in which the persons who have come through your open door quickly discover that there is indeed a definitive place for them within your larger congregation.

Take, for example, the matter of religious, philosophical, or spiritual diversity. If you say you are welcoming of diversity in this realm, then you also have to show it if your welcome is to have any real meaning. If a liberal Christian, or a theist, or a humanist, or agnostic, or neo-pagan is told, of course you are welcome here; but then hears or sees little in a Sunday service, or finds little in the way programs or affinity groups, or little in the way of outreach, that particularly affirms and validates his or her own religious, spiritual, or philosophical path; then that person will rightly wonder just how open the door really was. I know this is a theme I've been harping on for the past few years, so I will harp no further on it today. My point is that a truly welcoming congregation--when it comes to any area of welcoming--is one that continuously seeks to complete the link between Open Door and Affirmation.

The Welcoming Congregation Program being presented today is one designed by our UU Association as a resource for those congregations who want to work on the Affirmation step with respect to the gay, lesbian and bisexual persons who come through their doors. I am pleased that our Executive Board has given its unanimous approval to our embarking upon this process.

Before going on, let me now quickly offer my own stance concerning homosexuality--its not terribly complicated and its one I've stated on several other occasions. My baseline premise is that sexual orientation as such is not a moral issue. By this I mean there is nothing inherently moral or immoral about one's sexual orientation any more than there is anything inherently moral or immoral about one's race or gender. That sounds pretty basic, but much of the resistance to both the civil rights of gay persons and the affirmation of gay persons is precluded on the idea or assumption that there is something inherently immoral about a homosexual orientation in and of itself. Unfortunately and tragically, this assumption is usually religiously based or defended on religious grounds of one kind or another.

I deliberately use the term "orientation" rather than "preference" or "choice." While no scientific evidence is conclusive, the best evidence currently available is that sexual orientation--gay, lesbian, or bisexual--has a largely genetic base, and nobody "chooses" or "prefers" their genes. While some persons may experiment across sexual lines at various times in their lives, orientation itself appears to be pretty basic. To add an obvious rejoinder, while sexual orientation is not a moral issue, sexual behavior certainly is. There are very loving, life enhancing, and mutually pleasurable kinds of sexual behavior that both heterosexual and homosexual persons engage in. There are also life-demeaning and life-destroying kinds of sexual behavior which can be found from one end of the sexual orientation spectrum to the other as well. I make this point because I rarely see this distinction made by anti-gay forces. In fact, a common tactic of theirs is to point to certain kinds of destructive behavior in order to make a moral judgment about sexual orientation itself, as if one is identical with the other.

The origins of some of the fears, misunderstandings, and even outright hatreds that some persons have of gays, lesbians, and bi-sexuals are complex and deep-seated, and more than I can even begin to sort out here. Just last Sunday an article appeared in the New York Times Magazine titled "The Homosexual Exception." I'm just going to touch quickly on it here. The gist of the piece--drawing on wide-ranging interviews and surveys--was that suburban, middle-class America has reached clearly demonstrable level of openness towards and acceptance of persons the areas of race, religion, class, and culture--but not sexual orientation. Persons who are open, accepting, or at least tolerant, in most other areas seem to hit some kind of emotional or psychological, or maybe its even a spiritual, roadblock--so this article demonstrates--when it comes to homosexuality. Now call it what you will--be it "homophobia" or some other term--there is a roadblock in our culture when it comes to the acceptance and affirmation of gays and lesbians that is not nearly as strong or pronounced when it comes to showing inclusivity to the many other human components that make up our society.

The hard reality is that this roadblock is usually religiously based or informed. A topic I hope we can explore--with as many as wish to participate--in some discussion groups over the next several months is why this block remains so firmly in place, and what role religion has played in keeping this roadblock in place. The purpose of the discussion workshops is for the participants--gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual alike--to learn together about attitudes that can divide us, and of the affirmations and understandings that can lead to a celebration of our common humanity.

This roadblock, as I'm calling it, is one that religious right organizations are very skilled at exploiting for the sake of their political agenda. A very clear example of this occurred just this past week in the State of Maine. Several years ago Maine added to its non-discrimination statutes the term "sexual orientation," thereby giving gay persons legal protection in such areas as housing, employment, and the like. These are the same kinds of protections that are extended for race, gender, ethnic origin, etc. The Christian Coalition of Maine and Maine's Christian Civic League joined forces in a referendum vote to overturn that statute. Mr. Michael Heath, the Director of Maine's Christian Civic League, was quite clear about his reason for seeking to overturn the statute. Quoting him: "We believe it is appropriate to discriminate against people if they are wrong..." I commend Mr. Heath, at least, for his candor. Listen to him again, "It is appropriate to discriminate against people if they are wrong..."

Simple as that. Not even "they" are "wrong" because of any kind of behavior or activity ; just "they are wrong" because of who they are. The sad and frightening part is that that sentiment prevailed at the polls in Maine last week. The combined efforts of the Christian Coalition and the Maine Christian Civic League were enough to overturn the non-discrimination statute in what is called a "people's veto" referendum. Having lived in Maine for several years I know it to actually be a pretty progressive state when it comes to social issues; and it may well have been that the progressive forces up there underestimated the strength of the religious right and didn't turn out enough of the electorate, but whatever the case, such was the result nonetheless.

In a society where the forces most consistently allied against the rights of gay and lesbian persons, and who are most active in fostering fears and misunderstandings about homosexual persons, are also forthrightly claiming a religious identity, we need welcoming congregations and welcoming religious communities. We need religious communities who will say "yes" to the gay and lesbian persons who come through their doors in search of a spiritual home. It is a "yes" that needs to be spoken in an intentional and affirmative manner. It is a "yes" that recognizes that the presence of gay and lesbian persons strengthens and deepens the quality of religious life for every member of that religious community whatever their sexual orientation may be.

Unfortunately, negative messages towards gays and lesbians are not confined to the religious right. About two weeks ago the New York Times reported the case of a United Methodist minister in Nebraska who is facing some form of disciplinary action by his denomination for officiating at a same-sex service of union--same as I've been doing right here for the past ten years. Think about the message such action sends to gay and lesbian couples from the powers that be in a mainstream middle-American Protestant denomination. The message says, in effect, your love, your commitment, and your concern for one another is one that we cannot affirm in the way we do for heterosexual couples.

Now it so happens that I have a sister and brother-in-law who are Unitarian Universalist ministers, and another sister and brother-in-law who are United Methodists--with that brother-in-law also being a Methodist Minister of Music. (Ours seems to be a family that is crawling with ministers of one kind or another.) For the record, my third sister and her husband are American Baptists. We touch a lot of bases, religiously speaking. When I look at the members of my family of origin, and knowing them and their attitudes and values as I do, I know it would be both dishonest and self-righteousness of me to suggest that it is we UUs who are walking around in the pure clarity of enlightenment and free of all homophobia, while our more mainline Protestant sisters and brothers are wallowing around in fear and ignorance. That is far from being the case. My siblings, and my "siblings-in-law" are all pretty close, actually, on our feelings and beliefs about the affirmation of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons.

But what we UUs do have--and are fortunate to have, I feel--is an Association, or denomination, that has taken certain steps, and made certain commitments, and put certain kinds of programs in place for its congregations--for our congregations--who want to seriously, carefully, and in a spirit of love and respect examine their attitudes, beliefs, and values about gay and lesbian persons. We have programs for congregations who want learn ways in which they can find greater strength in their diversity by having gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual persons, and heterosexuals reaching out to one another, and truly meeting one another, in a ways that work toward the greater enlightenment and understanding of the members of our UU liberal religious communities. The Welcoming Congregation journey is indeed a journey towards greater wholeness for our UU congregations.

Our Association's Handbook for this program lists ten guidelines it sees as characteristic of a Welcoming Congregation. I like to think of them as goals that a congregation on this journey can work towards. They are printed on one of the inserts to your Order of Service today. I call your attention to them. As our Welcoming Congregation steering committee and our Executive Board looked at these goals we realized we've already attained, or are on our way to attaining, several of them already. We hope to continue, and complete this journey. There is also a list, on the flip side of the guidelines, of suggested actions and activities that a congregation on this journey can do to help meet these goals. Again, a number of them we are already doing; others remain to be worked on.

Why be a Welcoming Congregation? The biggest, and ultimately most important, reason I can see is that as we better learn to be affirmatively welcoming in one area, we will learn how to better do so in many other areas as well. I believe this program can, in time, lead us to an even greater goal than the ones you see listed today. My sense is that we are becoming an increasingly open congregation; and I derive a lot of gratitude from that. I know this is also a road on which we yet have some miles to travel. We UUs have a positive message; we have a life-enhancing message; we have a "saving" message if you will, that could speak to a much wider segment of our society's population than we are currently reaching if we--you and I--can learn how to do an even better job of linking those Open Door and Affirmation steps of the welcoming process.

As we learn what it means take intentional steps in further opening ourselves up to the gay and lesbian community we'll find ourselves opening in many other ways, too. In a hymn we often sing here called "Where Is Our Holy Church?" the first line proclaims that we are a church "where race and class unite." Well, not yet. Our Association is also looking at some deliberate steps our congregations can take to make these words a reality which go beyond words in a hymn. My hope and plan is to focus a portion of my ministry over the next few years to opening us up in a number of areas. I believe that if we begin with the Welcoming Congregation Program we will then be shown the way to this greater goal.

This in closing for today: In the concentration camps during the Second World War the Nazis "color coded" their prisoners. The Jews, who made up the predominant death camp population, were forced to wear a yellow star--two yellow triangles sewn together. Political prisoners, such as liberals and socialists, had to wear a red triangle. The hard-core criminals got a green triangle. The Jehovah's Witnesses got a purple one. And those who were imprisoned for the "crime" of being homosexual had to wear a pink triangle.

It frequently happens that that which is used as a symbol or expression of derision or hatred towards a particular group gets turned around, and becomes a symbol of identity or solidarity for that very group. The term "Unitarian" itself was one that the 18th century Calvinists used to proclaim their scorn for the liberal Christians of their day. The response of those liberal Christians was to start calling themselves "Unitarians."

Following the Second World War, as the horrors of the death camps came to light, gay and lesbian persons began taking the pink triangle, by which the gays in the concentration camps had been marked for torture and death, and made it a symbol of pride in their sexual identity. In more recent years the symbol of the pink triangle has also been taken up by those heterosexual women and men who wish to show their solidarity with and support for gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual persons in their striving for justice and equality--as well as for the full affirmation of their lives--within our larger society and culture.

I don't usually wear a name tag during coffee hour. I figure my name is pretty well out there as it is. But I'm going to today, because in light of all I've had to say this morning I want to put this pink triangle sticker on it. [Place sticker on name tag.] It is an expression of my hope that we will be a religious community that speaks a very strong "yes" to those gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual persons who find, in this Unitarian Universalist congregation, the religious home that so many of us have come to love and dedicate ourselves to; and who find in our Purposes and Principles a way of life and a way of being alive that we all celebrate and participate in. These stickers are on our Information Table today; you are free to take and use them as you wish.

Our closing hymn contains the words: "here is home to all [earth's] creatures, born of land and sky and sea; all created in [one] image, all to live in harmony." This is the ultimate goal of a welcoming congregation. It is one we are on our way to reaching.

Unitarian Universalist Church of Nashua

Why Be A Welcoming Congregation?